I Cried

   I cried today for the first time since the last time I swore I wouldn't do it.
   I cried because something had to give, and because no dam can contain the spring within me.
   I cried because it hurts to know that my heart is split in two uneven pieces and I know not which part is yours.
   What is really me who sought another? Or was it you who failed to give me what I needed?  
   Is it truly selfish of me to find a smile in a stolen moment with another?  It feels so right and I feel so alive, but it'll never be more than what I've built with you, and yet, I can't and won't do without it.
   I love you because you're steady, an anchor and solid ground.
   I love him because he makes my heart soar.
   What cruel entity decided that we should love but one, when we constantly change and inevitably find a connection to another?  
   I can't find me a sinner, for I protect your feelings with my secrecy.  I know what it would mean for you to know that while you touch me, I long for another.  There is nothing I can do.
   I cried today for the first time since the last time I swore I wouldn't do it.  
   I'm lost and I don't know where to turn.  A noble part of me wants to walk away from you both, and deprive myself from countless joys and disappointments I'm sure to feel with you.
   Every tear is a fragment of my heart, and I curse this longing to feel loved, to walk on steady ground while daring to soar.  
   I cried because nothing has hurt me more than to love you both.

   K